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Ode to my iPhone: A Love Story
Posted by Claire Connelly in Humour, Technology, Travel
After a long, cold winter – I am finally back in the land of the living.
Yes, the rumors are true. After many long, arduous months of “negotiating” with insurance companies – they have finally replaced my iPhone.
It all started, one fateful night in New York, where my fellow journalist friend Sean and I were doing what we do best – getting on the beers and composing what we thought was going to be a piece of writing comparable only to Pulitzer himself.
It was tough, but despite the many tequilas, blurred vision, and jittery text-hands (not to mention the many, many other alcoholic beverages that we were forced to consume by The Establishment), we pushed on through. Writers in arms, we managed to keep track of every single song that the venue played that night, with the intention of blowing the proverbial minds of our readers the following afternoon (when we awoke from our stupors) with the boastful tones of the most impressive playlist that has ever been broadcast across the radio-waves.
This playlist was GOLD! It was sent from the iPod heavens, delivered upon the mountain by Jobs himself.
There was not a single doozy played the entire night.
Honestly, my ears were radiant, glowing even, after receiving such audible pleasure!
Honesty, I thought I had experienced an eargasm before – I was wrong!
It. Was. FANTASTIC!
But, alas, as has so frequently been the fate of writers past, pure genius was toppled by its masters, and by masters plural, I mean, well – me.
It was barely my fault though! Geniuses need their rest after a heavy writing session! And having rested my eyes for just a few minutes while I was escorted back to my chambers, I may have, kind of, sort of, accidentally misplaced my iPhone… a sin for which Steve Jobs has punished me ten fold.
He sent his insurance prophets (get it, insurance prophets?), to test my loyalty.
Would I give in? Give up? Would I really have to resort to using a medieval Nokia? Would I be forced to grow callouses on my fingertips from using buttons? Would I submit to bleeding ears from the high pitch mono ringtone?
Never.
Oh the shame!
Night after night I wailed, not just for the loss of my life-partner, but for the playlist not published, status not updated, the review not written, the mix-tape not remembered!
For months we were parted, iPhone and I, the evil insurance companies were conspiring to keep us star-crossed fan-girls apart.
I won’t burden you with the details, but lets just say that despite the copious sums of money invested in travel insurance, my insurance company got off on a technicality (of course) and refused to cover me. And the second form of insurance I thought I had didn’t exist due to an administrative error. Go figure.
But despite the pain, the heart-ache, and social ostracism, my faith has been proven. After many angry phone calls, witty letters, and months and months of heart-ache, my iPhone and I have been reunited.
My place in the Apple Nirvana has been restored.
I am not being hyperbolic when I say that tearing apart its packaging like lovers on their wedding night was an almost religious experience.
I feel whole again, like a part of me that was missing for what felt like an eternity has been restored.
Now if you’ll please excuse me, my true love is beckoning. We’ve been apart for so many months, and I have to make up for lost time, if you know what I mean… She just loves it when I slide my finger over it’s smooth, warm screen and… well, that’s a blog for another time.
Anyhow, I must be off, things to do, so many tweets to twat.
Don’t knock, I’ll come up for air eventually.
Your fellow Jobsian, (once again),
Claire.
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