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Post Script: Some Thoughts
Posted by Claire Connelly in Travel
I’ve had some incredible times, and some difficult ones.
It’s been a wild ride and one I have thoroughly enjoyed.
Below are some observations from my travels, or just collections of tid bits I’ve been meaning to right down. They don’t take much shape or form, follow any narrative structure, or possess a consistent tone, but they’re my memories and I like them just as they are thank you!
Here goes:
American girls talk as though they are their own binding authority on whatever is coming out of their mouths. They speak as though they are their very own opinion editorial.
People are friendlier on the west coast.
I’ve been here for five weeks, and I still have no idea who I should and should-not be tipping.
Am I the only one that finds the brand “Jiffy Lube” amusing? I mean – when does one NOT need lube in a jiffy?
I like my parents. I know that sounds cheesy, but for someone who has actively resisted the company of my parents in the past, something about Minneapolis and Michigan stirred me. It’s easy to love your parents, that’s pretty much a requisite, but to like them, I think is better. I resolve to be a better daughter from now on, especially to my dad.
It’s true that LA girls don’t eat, and LA guys really do pay too much attention to the plates of their female counter parts. I’ve never felt fatter than in the company of the film financiers that I have yet to write about.
The toilets really do flush in the opposite direction.
And that’s another thing – Americans use WAY too much water to flush with. I really cannot comprehend that anything could be large enough to require that much water to remove it from the bowl.
Australians and Americans are not at all similar.
Despite the fact that Australia was founded by a bunch of English and Irish criminals, Australians have somehow carved out a reputation of themselves with Americans, as trustworthy and reliable. Even more bizarre – this (probable) misconception is linked with the whole ‘easy-going’ aspect of our culture. True to form, I did not swipe the Faberge egg or any other valuable objects I spied in the Hollywood Hills mansion (another thing I have yet to write about). I swear.
Hunter S Thompson is God.
Australia makes terrible pizza. Terrible. Awful. It’s a crime really. New York slice all the way.
Americans have the most non-sensical (and non-existent) traffic ‘etiquette’.
Nobody indicates, and everybody beeps.
They just flick out into whichever lane takes their fancy at full speed, without warning. And yet – everybody blares their horns at one another. Not only is this hypocritical, it achieves absolutely nothing.
In Australia we have only three situations that call for a good beeping:
1. The “I’m not sure if you have seen me” beep: This polite, short (and barely audible) beep is usually reserved for people backing out of their driveways. The almost embarrassed blip is designed to say “I just want you to know I’m here so maybe stop reversing now.”
2. The “I’M ABOUT TO CRASH INTO YOU!” horn: This one is really meant to notify everyone on the road except the guy you’re about to crash in to, a last-minute attempt to reduce any collatoral damage.
3. The “YOU are a F&*$ing IDIOT” horn: “Yes. Yes You. YOU are a F*%(ING IDIOT.” This one is rare. You’ve got to be careful how you use it. You can’t use up your horn-blaring priveleges all at once. For example, don’t play one of your Idiot Cards on a Monday morning in peak-hour traffic. Because by friday you’ll be doing it every day and then you’re just as much an asshole as the guy you’re beeping at. That being said, when this horn is sounded – they effing deserve it.
I suspect that Americans would reduce the need to let-a-rip with the car horn less often, if they all learned how to indicate. Just a thought.
Sydney cyclists put American bicyclists to shame.
Seriously, I will never again complain about Sydney cyclists.
American cyclists have somehow gotten the idea that road rules do not apply to them.
Traffic lights? I’m not in a car, I don’t need to stop at the lights.
Pavement with a bike lane? Why use it when I could share the already congested roads with motorists?
Don’t even bother asking about pedestrian crossings.
I can’t count the number of times I’ve had my life flash before my eyes whilst traversing the zebra stripes. They don’t slow down, they don’t swerve, they don’t even *ting* their little bells (which you can’t hear above the noise of all those blaring car horns anyway). They just gun it right through and hope to God they don’t get flung over the handle-bars as they crash into an “inconsiderate pedestrian” who wasn’t expecting that speed-racing cyclist racing right towards them at impeccable speed given the big-ass sign telling them that is was ok to walk and thus everyone else on the road can take a seat for a second.
Seriously people, get some road etiquette. You sicken me.
Minneapolis is totally underated and one of the few places yet to be gentrified; (lord knows why, property developers would make a killing. It may have something to do with the crippling winters….)
This is why you’re fat: A collection of disgusting food found in ‘fancy’ American restaurants:
- Cheeseburger spring rolls.
- Deep friend cheeseburger spring rolls.
- Georgio’s salty meat balls (*giggle*, *smirk*).
- Deep fried mars-bar.
- A bucket of deep fried chicken (I swear to god that’s exactly how it was written on the menu).
- Twice fried waffled with bacon, maple syrup, and glaze.
- Smores (Yeah, don’t really get the whole smores thing. I love a good roasted marshmallow on the fire, complete with carcinogens – but smores?).
- Duck, wrapped in bacon, deep fried, served with maple syrup.
- and P.S What is it with Americans and maple syrup? They put it on frigging everything.
That’s it for now. Not very deep I know. I’m sure there’s deeper material in me somewhere but it’s early still and I’m hanging out for some awesome room-service and champagne. Just wait until the hangover sets in, then we’ll get some serious melancholic rambling.
For now I’ll say – it’s been great.
Thanks for the ride, it’s been an awesome journey.
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exactly! but i'm part of the problem too.
nikonsniper steve
Maple syrup is awesome, I'm not surprised they put it on everything. And Hunter S Thomson is indeed god.
Claire, that was hilarious. However, you did get ONE TEENY TINY thing wrong. Australian toilets don't make a whirlpool of water when they flush. It makes no sense for an American to ask if our toilets flush the "other way" cos our toilets are just a cascade of downward water.
I could never understand why Americans always thought our toilets flushed the other way until I saw an American toilet and the wasteful billion gigawatt dam-worth of water in their bowls and the way they whirlpool as they flush.
I must educate Americans on this the next time I am there!
Also, is it at all possible to get low-carb food there? I don't want to stack on the kilos that I've worked so hard to lose over the last year…
Excited as ever about this upcoming trip!
Some toilets still whirlpool, and even the ones you are talking about – if you look very carefully, it still does a mini whirlpool right before it empties it out. (It's true, I've given American toilets some serious attention).
Good luck finding healthy food in NY. I've never wanted an apple more than when I was in New York. It should be relatively simple outside of New York, but it'll cost you a bit more.
This post is beyond awesome. I am always wondering what to do and what not to do so I will follow some of these tips.